Everyone speaks a different love language, meaning they show and receive love in different ways. Often love can get lost in communication if you and your partner have different love languages. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love. The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, where he describes these five unique styles of communicating love, categories he distilled from his experience in marriage counseling and linguistics.
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- Words of Affirmation
Frequent “I love you’s,” compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and often frequent digital communication like texting and social media engagement are the best way to show your love to a person whose love language is Words Of Affirmation.
2. Quality Time
People whose love language is quality time feel most adored when you give them undivided attention. They have a strong desire to actively spend time with their significant other, having meaningful conversations or sharing recreational activities.
3. Acts of Service
If your love language is Acts Of Service you value when someone goes out their way to make your life easier. It’s things like bringing you soup when you’re sick, making your coffee for you in the morning, or picking up your dry cleaning for you when you’ve had a busy day at work.
4. Gifts
Gifts is a pretty straightforward love language: You feel loved when people give you “visual symbols of love,” as Chapman calls it. It’s not about the monetary value but the symbolic thought behind the item. People with this style recognize and value the gift-giving process: the careful reflection, the deliberate choosing of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits from receiving the present.
5. Physical touch
Physical intimacy and touch is valued the most by people with this love language. Physical sign of affection can be incredibly affirming and serve as a powerful emotional connector for people with this love language
Love languages are a deceptively simple concept, and understanding them can be transformative if you put in the practical work. It invites curiosity, not mind-reading, into the relationship.
For example, you might love words of affirmation, but your partner places a premium on quality time and touch. As a bid for connection, you might text him sweet nothings all day and think you’re great at expressing love; meanwhile, he might be wondering why you’re never interested in spending time cuddling on the couch together at night and may actually be feeling unloved because of that. See how it’s easy for disconnection and resentment to enter the picture? By determining our primary and secondary love language preferences, it can be easier to give each other what we innately crave.
Want to find out your love language?
Take his quiz and find out:
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
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